I went to see my GP today. I had finally realised just how bad I was. Suicidal is not how I would normally describe myself, though I have been increasingly feeling like that. I think when the legal fights were finished, the anger and disappointment that had fuelled me had been exhausted and I had nothing to get my teeth into. When you start planning to take your own life, that's when you start to worry, and worry I did. My logical brain told me I need to seek help, but it wasn't until I spoke with a colleague one night shift that I realised it. I'm still concerned that my mental health crisis will be a barrier and people will judge me, but frankly they can all go to hell.