I think I'll wake up and there you'll be beside me, telling me I'd had a nightmare and everything would be okay. That big smile of yours would be there and I'd lie back in bed and breathe a sigh of relief that, yes, it really was just a bad dream. Then reality sets in, and I'd be faced with the truth; that you are gone and I am left behind. No one around me really understands, though sometimes I wonder why I should expect them to; after all, our relationship wasn't "normal" in the eyes of certain people, or were they simply jealous that we had love and they didn't? Some people feel I have no rights from our relationship, either emotional or financial. I think that just about sums up their attitutde - I should have no "rights". But where were they when you suffered my love? Did they call you? Did they show any concern? No they didn't; they didn't want to know because you were gay. There, that's it in a nutshell. They didn't want to know you because you weren't "normal". I agree with one sentiment, you weren't normal; you were special, a loving gentle human being with compassion and friendship and love to give - and to receive. They let you down, didn't they. Yet you remained loyal, even when it hurt you so much. And they didn't even care when it made you ill!