I was up in the bedroom for 6pm, just about the time 8 months ago when I found Allan, lifeless and still. This is one thing in my life that I will never forget. I'm sorry I didn't save you Allan. If there was anything I EVER wanted in my life, it was to save your life, so we could be together for the 40 years we'd been talking about. I let you down my love, and I have to live with that every single day for the rest of my life. Please forgive me my precious man; I tried, but ultimately I just didn't get it right, and you left me.