I'm writing this the day before the 8 month anniversary of my man leaving me. I thought I'd do this today because I simply don't know how I'll be feeling tomorrow. Allan's death has torn the heart out of me for a number of reasons. The traumatic way he died and the nightmare that has been going on since has made me very unhappy and emotionally overwrought. Feelings of guilt, grief and responsbility often overwhelm me, no matter where I am. The rift with Allan's family that started less than 4 hours after his ashes had been interned still goes on, and frankly I am exhausted by the whole process that I've had to go through with lawyers, etc. All this time, and yet no one's asked me how I'm coping with the stress of losing my man, of the pain of trying to resuscitate him, of failing to save him, of organising his funeral, of being alone in this house that I despise, being surrounded by the memories of what we had. It's as if nobody really cares; well to be honest I know people just don't really know HOW to care, but it doesn't stop it or make it hurt less. Tomorrow I will mourn my man again, as I have done every day. Who else mourns for you Allan?