I'm told that one day I'll be able to come to terms with losing Allan, but that day is different for each of us. How long do you mourn? How DO you mourn? How will you know when mourning is over, and life starts to "begin again"? These are questions I am currently asking, and will have to ask myself in the future because I simply don't know the answers. I believe I did what I could to try and save Allan, but then again, did I? Guilt's the thing that holds us all back; "what if" slowly kills those of us who are left, and who care. How can I wish my man peace when I can't wish it for myself? Is it easier to think of others before ourselves? I think there's some truth in that, but I need to be able to live with myself as well. How do I even start doing that? How will I know?