This is something I had thought I wouldn't want to share with all but a few very close friends as people might think I've gone cuckoo. Then I thought "why not" , people will judge me as they will anyway. I woke up the other morning having felt that Allan was not only in the bed with me, but had been holding me throughout the night. Oh, such a lovely feeling to be held and to know he's looking after me. I only had to let him go a wee bit to allow him the spiritual room to manoeuvre. I now know I haven't lost him, and yes he will be there supporting me in this life. I feel relieved and released to a degree. Wonderful feeling; just joyous and sad and lovely and moving all at the same time. I've been a bit more settled since then, and yes it's only been a few days, but I feel Allan more acutely now and although I still cry and scream I know he is there for me.