Despite myself I have had a decent time this year. I miss Allan terribly, and I will never deny that. If I stop missing someone who had such an influence in my life then I'll know I've truly lost my soul and will probably be dead and just not noticed. But I must move on through this life, having the absolute joy of knowing that I have a life to continue after I slip this particular mortal coil, and that Allan will be waiting for me when I get there. Am I wrong in thinking this? I have considered this and believe me I have always been my greatest critic, but I simply feel I must do what I can with what remains of my path in this world, or I'll have let my friends down.