I went to the cemetery yesterday, first thing I did on my own birthday and by far the most important and most emotionally challenging. Someone had put flowers on Allan's grave, in the wee pot thing. Thank you, whoever you are! It's the first time in 2 months that I've had the courage to visit. I went a "bit mental" after Allan's anniversary, faced the fact that I was in psychological trouble and asked for help. I did my usual washing, drying and polishing the headstone but because of the Council workmen who were there, I didn't get the opportunity to be alone with Allan, so I took my crying to the car. Allan, on your birthday I miss you. I miss you every day, but days like this are especially hurtful, and it would have been a day off work for you if nothing else! Wherever you are, have a wonderful day my wonderful Allan. My love will be there forever, I hope you will wait for me.