I felt the need to visit again. The past few days has seen me get deeper down and melancholy. The tears come thick, fast and regular. My life just seesm to be hitting a downer at the moment. Often visits to see Allan's grave and to perform those simple yet deeply meanignful services like cleaning and tidying up often help me. Despiote the snow, I was able to visit and I'm glad I did. Beneath the 2 incvhes of snow in the cemetery, Allan's flowers from last month still lay. I cleared the plot with my handy wee shovel, cleaned, washed, tidied up and laid fresh flowers for Jean and a rose for my man, as well as my florists version of the Christmas wreath. I miss Allan every single day, and I miss him even more at this time of year (if such a thing were possible). My wee YouTube videos bring me soem comfort, and I hope that they will help others too. Allan, I mis you every minute of EVERY day. You were a gift to me, a love for me that I'd longed for all my adult life. When I found you, I was ecstatic. When I lost you, I knew my life had really ended.