It was 6 months ago that Allan's cremation service was held. I remember it well, or should I say I remember the ceremony and the feelings; the people who were there are a different thing altogether as I remember very few of them. I DO remember the "growls" I got and the daggers that were being constantly drawn against me by idiots who don't know any better. It's not their fault that they were "brought up" with no manners or sense of the real world in the 21st century. Typical that members of Allan's extended "family" decry me in their small minded, "heterosexual" and homophobic way. To hell with them all anyway, as my Mum says "you always see your own back with people like that". I have to say I can't wait for that day! Allan, I miss you every single day. I came in again this morning and again, just for a moment I thought you'd be up watching breakfast TV, waiting for me coming in, a cuppa ready and waiting. I was so sad and disappointed that you weren't, and I'm not looking forward to this Winter without you. The long nights give me time to think, as if I need any more time to do that. Thinking of you all the time, talking to you and listening for your reply helps me get through the days and nights. I believe my life is stagnating, my time is spent on autopilot. You probably didn't realise just what an impact you made on me, and how the gift of your love was so precious and vital to me. You became part of me, and I you. What am I going to do without you Baby? I wish I'd met you years ago, before we both made those previous relationship choices that didn't work out. Maybe then we could have had something nearer the 40 years we'd been planning for. Miss you in my life Mister Brigg. How do I even begin to patch the huge hole inside my heart? I keep asking myself if you knew you were unwell, but chose to soldier on as you always did, or whether your illness was a complete surprise. I never noticed anything different with you Love, I wish I had. You better wait for me my husband, I won't be long!