Today marks five years since I lost Allan.  FIVE YEARS?  Where has that time gone?  Five years.  Feels like five days...
Allan is the first person I've really lost; a 45 year old man experiencing the cruelty and heartache that is losing a loved one, THE loved one in my life.  I suppose nothing will really affect me so deeply again, or at elast I hope not!
I look back on my postings here and I realise sometimes just how close I was to losing it completely.  The support I've received through friends old and new has been brilliant, and they should know that yes they did help me get through. Thank you, one and all!
Does it still hurt? Oh yes, most definitely.  The pain sometimes is incredible; I still cry and wail.  I miss that lovely man every single day, and I talk to him all the time.  I am never going to "get over" Allan - you just don't do that with a man like him.  Oh no!

I will be in Barrhill today to mark the date.  I expect to be happy, sad, tearful, joyful, loud and reflecting. 

Love you Allan. Miss you in my life, in the house, in the world.  But you are always there in my heart, in my thoughts .


Peace and love forever big man xx